Kids have STRESS, too!

My first year as a teacher, I had a sweet 3 year old named Devonn. I was instantly drawn to him and we formed a bond like no other. When I first met Devonn, he was kind, friendly and longed for attention (I later found out he was highly medicated) My first thought was, he will be a breeze and we won't have any issues. My second encounter with Devonn was with my co-teacher while on a Home Visit. We had the pleasure of meeting Devonn's mom, her partner, and Devonn's brother. The encounter was somewhat eye-opening and shocking at the same time. On the kitchen table laid a police report and images of Devonn's father (whom had just recently been murdered) a marijuana pipe and alcohol. Being that on the Home Visit, it was not my intent to judge or jump to conclusions. Devonn's mom began to open up about all that she and her family had gone through and WITNESSED...yes, Devonn witnessed the murder of his father. My heart sank and I mind quickly shifted to "we're going to have some serious issues". My immediate thought was that I was just simply going to have to love him deeply.

As I mentioned at the beginning, Devonn and I had an instant connection and I felt that I became his "person". As the days, weeks and months went on; his behaviors did too. He would extremely happy one minute and an emotional wreck the next. I had expected that. What I didn't expect was the physical aggression he began to display towards me. Along the way, somehow I lost the connection I had with him and anytime I would try to engage he would become triggered and act out towards me aggressively. His stress soon became my stress and I was not helpful to him in those moments.

To make a long story short, he had a lot of stressors that included; grief, uncertainty, abandonment, poverty, retaliation and many more...if you stop and think about; this is A LOT for a 3 year old to process and he, nor did I have the appropriate skills at the time to deal with those stressors effectively.

Overall, Devonn struggled his first year in Head Start academically. He also struggled with making connections with his peers and caregivers. With further assistance from our Mental Health team, we were able to provide the appropriate assistance needed for him, his family and his caregivers (ME). Looking back, I will never forget Devonn. He has faced many challenges throughout his life, but he has graduated high school...which was a huge success!

For me the moral for myself and all educators...we can't be quick to judge or assume based on the first encounter, but understand that KID'S have STRESS, too and it's our job to equip them with the skills necessary to handle that stress. We have also be mindful to understand our stressors as well.

One of the connection strategies that became one of Devonn's favorite was the use of the I Love You Rituals by Dr. Becky Bailey...author and creater of Conscious Discipline. Please view the video below of an example of the I Love You Ritual.

Kids from around the world also experience stress...

I remember when I was 18, I went on a Mission Trip to Matamoros, Mexico. The place where we set up Vacation Bible School was referred to as "The Dump"...this was literally and landfill where people lived. The children lived a life of extreme poverty. One child in particular had Down Syndrome and many other disabilities due to her living conditions. Even though their living conditions were not ideal, they were in good spirits and welcomed us when we visited. In some people's opinion, they would have high stress due to their living conditions, but because it was a way of life for them; they did the best they could with what they had...instead of me becoming a witness to them, they became a witness to me.